It's Hard Being a Texans Fan

I've been a Houston Texans fan for the majority of my life.


I've seen a carousel of quarterbacks play behind center for us throughout the years along with a number of disappointing finishes in football games. I went through disastrous seasons ('member 2005 & 2013?), promising seasons (2009), and playoff losses ('11, '12, '15, '16). I've had expectations like any other football fan prior to the start of all those seasons only for them to go up in smoke by the year's end. Nevertheless, I understood that to fully realize a champion in your team you must first go through the trials of defeat and suffering.


This patience finally paid off for me in baseball last year when the Astros won the World Series, and with the Texans having a terrible end to their 2017 season thanks to their injuries coinciding that with the emergence of their first-round draft pick named DeShaun Watson, I thought maybe, just maybe, they will turn a corner for the better. Watson kicked ass before he suffered a torn ACL last year, so Texans fans like myself had a positive outlook towards what our offense might look like. We might be seeing an offensive monster in the making. Add that to the acquisition of Tyrann "Honey Badger" Mathieu and a new general manager in Brian Gaine, we thought that a new era was ushering for the Houston Texans.



Well........3 games into our season and things have not looked so well for us.



The first game was lost to the Patriots 27-20 in Foxborough. The second game was lost to the Blaine Gabbert-led Titans by the score of 20-17 in Nashville. And the third game, which just ended today, was lost to the Giants by the score of 27-22.

The first game I understand because we went up against the quintessential football player in Tom Brady. It's hard for a second-year quarterback--or any quarterback for that matter--to beat someone who is essentially a demigod in their house, so I let that pass. Along with a respectable defense that kind of held their own against Brady and his corps of low-radar receivers and the embodiment of the Jersey Shore in Gronk, the mood with the team was hopeful.




The second game, however, was unforgivable. You mean to tell me that the Texans couldn't beat a team with Blaine fucking Gabbert as their starting quarterback?

Blaine Gabbert?

BLAINE? GABBERT!????

A man who openly shat on a field while playing for the Jaguars!? Someone whose last name sounds like a very bad cavity!?

This man was only tasked with not giving up a turnover and you couldn't even take him down. You couldn't get more than 1 sack on him with that defensive line. Oh, and let's not mention the injuries they went through last week. They didn't have Mariota play that game. Hell, some of their key weapons weren't on the field and you still lost.

AND THE FUCKING FAKE PUNT!!!!!!! You mean to tell me you couldn't even cover the one man left alone on the right side of the field before the ball was snapped!? The fuck went on in the defense's mind that play????

And then today was just as laughable. Turnovers in key plays killed us. Lamar Miller, really? You still don't know how to secure the ball after playing in the NFL for 7 FUCKING years!?

And the play-calling. OH MY GOODNESS THE PLAY-CALLING. O'Brien, you have eyes, right? You can see, right? You can tell when a part of your offense is and is not working, right? You're a professional football coach, RIGHT!? The run game was not working, and you still try to hand the ball back? Watson was playing alright when he passes the ball quickly. There were times where he ran drive seamlessly with just his arm and legs. He was on fire. You can't just halt his momentum to play a handoff run down to the middle of the pile simply for the sake of  "mUh EStaBlisHinG the ruNNinG GamE foR bAlAncE". In sports, when someone on your team is hot, you ride it all the way! It's not that hard to understand.

Also, the defense was carrying us once again. I have no problem with that but games are not normally won on one side of the ball. One can't rely on their defense all the time, right? I feel like I saw the same story today that I've been seeing for the past 4 years, where we have been competitive thanks to a great defense despite having an underwhelming offense. It's frustrating for me to not see a lot of touchdowns. Where was the magic from last season before Watson got injured? Where are the option plays?

The worst out of all this, though, is the God damn penalties. Our discipline so far this season has simply been stupid. Key plays in our favor were erased thanks to self-inflicting penalties in all those games (I swear to God if I hear one more false start penalty on the offensive line in the red-zone, I'm going to choke a bitch). As of before the start of the Texans vs Giants game, we were tied for 7th place in most penalties called with 17. Today they had 10 called penalties. My goodness, if they keep this penalty production up, we'll be 1st place by next week.



Look, I get it. This 2018 season is only 3 games in and things may change drastically since now. But looking at the team we are with our questionable play-calling and childish behavior, I don't like our chances in winning a lot of games. Plus, there are only 16 games in a season and they fly by.



Even worse, history is not kind to teams who are 0-3 after 3 games in the regular season. Since 1980, only 5 teams out of more than 160 have made the playoffs after starting their given year 0-3, with the recent one being the 1998 Buffalo Bills. This makes for nearly 2 percent. As such, I believe it will take a miracle for the Texans to turn things around and somehow make the postseason.



Regardless of this, I will not lose hope in the face of such insurmountable odds. I am a fan of the Houston Texans and I will not abandon my team when they're on the negative trajectory of play. Much like what I did with the Astros, I will stick with my football team through thick and thin with the hope that one day we will win the elusive Super Bowl in my lifetime. I will believe in them to the end.




Go Texans.



Well, at least we have J.J. Watt.

Why?: Wearing a Sweater in a Hot Sunny Day

People who go out on hot days wearing their jackets, why do you do it?





What prompted you to further torture yourself with immense heat coming from not just the sun, but from yourself as well?





Is it because you wanted to stand out from the crowd and be known as a rebel?





Was it because you have always been a fan of hot weather and not the cold? Was it because you really like sweaters?





Or perhaps it was because you did it to lose weight through excess sweating?





I was in my university walking to my classes today and I saw scores of people wearing dark-colored sweaters outside. OUTSIDE. Here I was suffering in this heat as always and there they were walking as if there's not a single thing wrong going on in their minds. I was just baffled. Some even had their hoods on their heads while in the face of the blazing sunlight. As they passed my sweat-dribbling self, all I could think of was how crazy they were to do such a stupid stunt. No one needs to be Evel Knievel in the middle of September.

Speaking of which, why is it so FUCKING HOT in SEPTEMBER? Fall should be signaling its return by now with breezes and not-so-hot weather, but no, summer just had to stay put like an annoying little ass. God damn climate change, man.

Sweaters are made for two things: for workouts and for the retention of body heat during the winter. That's it. There's no need for anyone to be an edgelord by wearing it during the summer. Seriously, people die out of fighting the heat with their host of clothing after a given period of time. Hell, look at Chris from Everybody Hates Chris. You know that show, right? There was one time in an episode where he bought a leather jacket to impress a girl in his neighborhood (screw you, Keisha) and wore it in front of her outside on a bright sunny day. Do you know what happens next? You don't? Well then, let me give you the answer.

Don't die.



If you feel warm outside, simply take off your sweater. No one's going to tease you if you do. Consider this as a public service announcement, reader. Don't wear your sweater outside on a hot sunny day.

Fat

I think that all of the times where I've eaten nothing but fast food in my life is finally coming back to haunt me.

I just came back to the house from eating at Burger King with my family and let me say that I feel full. And yet, that Whopper was delicious. Now, I couldn't finish the accompanying fries--although it had a few to begin with--but that was a testament to the great taste that that burger had. The food was great, but I know that I got a bit fatter from the amount of calories it had.

Man, in fact, I've eaten nothing but burgers for the majority of this past week. And let us not talk about how much of that similar food I've eaten from my childhood up until now. I've got to tone down on this if I don't want to get any fatter.

Of course, walking the walk is vastly different from talking the talk, but I'll be damned if I don't at least try to stop eating this food.

Damn you, fat.

vs Brazil

We face our past demons once again.

Viva El Futbol. Viva Guerrero. Viva Guanajuato. Viva Mexico.

Here I am again.


After going through 4 more years of my life, I am about to embark on another journey with my beloved Mexican national futbol (futbol, football, soccer--whatever you want to call it, it’s that) team in another FIFA World Cup tournament. The last match we played in this competition ended in utter heartbreak as we were knocked out by a resilient Netherlands squad who banked in 2 last-minute goals, one of which spawned the ever-familiar #NoEraPenal trend in social media. No era penal chingada madre. Lo llevo esto hasta mi cama de muerte.

When the game ended, I remember sitting upright in a butterfly-like position on the floor in disbelief over what I had just seen on the TV screen. As I was still trying to digest everything in a calm demeanor, I tried to eat my post-game food on the table situated near the kitchen in my house. As I took my first bite of the food, I couldn’t contain my sad emotions piling up in my heart. As such, I preceded to cry. I wondered to God why he did what he did and gave the Dutch the victory. Fast forward a few hours of that day and I was still devastated over the result. It was so bad that when my dad asked me about what happened in my room I cried again in front of him while mumbling unintelligible words in an attempt to explain the whole ordeal. Nevertheless, when all was said and done and I calmed down a bit, I swore to him that we would be back and better than ever in 4 years’ time.

Well, here I am now. Those 4 years have passed and I’m starting to feel the pre-game World Cup jitters that I’ve been familiar with for the past 3 occasions (‘06-’14; I didn’t count 98’ & ’02 because I was too young to understand how big the tournament actually is). Though this is normally a good thing for any soccer fan to experience, I don’t feel at ease in comparison. For starters, we’re starting our tournament in Russia against Germany, the reigning world champions and 4-time winners of the tournament. And second, the belief in my national team’s coach (J.C. Osorio) is not entirely positive and wholesome.

Criticism towards his rotational deployments in each game has been rampant throughout his tenure. This has been amplified thanks to the team’s international disappointments in the past 2 summers. In 2016, Mexico lost to Chile in the Copa America Centenario quarterfinals via a massacre (SEVEN TO ZERO). The next year, they lost to Jamaica in the CONCACAF Gold Cup semifinals and fell to Germany—their B team, no less--in a blowout as well, losing 4-1 in the FIFA Confederations Cup semifinals.

Additionally, his selection towards certain players despite them having no form whatsoever prior to big games have brought questions over their effectiveness in said games (I’m looking straight at you, Gio dos Santos.). Despite all of this, we qualified for the World Cup in a comfortable fashion, finishing first in the final “hexagonal” round of the CONCACAF region, thereby easing tensions between the coach and the fans for just a moment.

With more than 2 years under his belt as the coach of Mexico, he has prepared his team for this moment, the moment of playing against the best in the World Cup. In the face of all the negative stuff thrown at the entire team prior to the opening kick-off, I stand by them ready to celebrate or suffer through their actions on the field.

I am a fan that has gone through thick and thin with my country. I sat back distraught as I saw Maxi Rodriguez score the goal of his life for Argentina to eliminate us in the 2006 World Cup. I was consoled by my dad as I saw that same Argentina team dismantle us 3-1 in the 2010 World Cup. I sat on my chair speechless as I counted down the seconds toward our supposed impending elimination against Costa Rica in 2014 World Cup qualification phase. The many FUCKING “dos a cero” chants that came my country’s way via the United States over the years until our victory against them on Veterans’ Day of 2016.

I’ve been through it all, which means disappointment and sadness are nothing new to me. Like every opening game of a tournament, the hopes of victory and delirium ring around every fan towards their selected nation. Unfortunately, such hopes cannot be given to everyone. For every instance of joy and relief in soccer, there is also one of defeat and anguish. I don’t want to be on the latter side of that particular see-saw. I don’t think anyone does, to be honest. That’s why I will support my country to make sure that that doesn’t happen again. For today and the next 2 games in the group stage, win.

Win, mi querido Seleccion Mexicana.

Viva Mexico. A ganar guey. Es ahora o nunca.

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Just once, I want to be on the winning end of an unlikely situation.